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This is a wonderful story shared by my business colleague, Jill Konrath

The Beauty of Imperfection

I first met Mary, my husband’s youngest sister, shortly after we started dating. She was the first person I’d ever known with Down Syndrome. To me, she looked funny, she talked funny and she chewed with her mouth open. It made me uncomfortable.

Back then, kids like her weren’t mainstreamed. They didn’t exist. And I had no experience dealing with this human imperfection. So I kept my distance, not wanting to interact with this flawed individual. But Mary wouldn’t let me do that. She refused to give up on me. And her charm worked as she wormed her way into my heart.

The truth is, my life was blessed because of Mary. She gave me a whole different perspective through which to view my life and taught me a lot. Let me share a few stories:

Mary’s favorite holiday was Christmas. She delighted in opening her gifts. But she left nothing to chance. Every Thanksgiving, she pulled me aside to review her very specific list. When I gave her the Fresh Apple Anti-Bacterial Moisturizing Hand Soap that she requested, she chortled in glee.

But I’ll never forget the year I bought her the wrong Stephen King novel. (I’d searched six stores for the one she wanted, but they were sold out.) Her shock and disappointment in me were plainly evident. She let me know it. The following year, I shopped for her gifts as soon as I got the list.

The lesson? Ask for what you want, expect people to deliver and fully appreciate it when they do. But if they let you down, be clear on that too.

Mary loved looking through Victoria Secret catalogs. But unlike most women, she didn’t get one bit depressed comparing herself to all those gorgeous sexy models — even though she was short, pudgy and hunched over from arthritis.

Do you know what she saw? Herself, wearing all those revealing outfits, prancing around and posing in her beautiful body. Because to Mary, she was beautiful. Just as drop-dead gorgeous as those cover girls. She never once bought into the marketing messages that bombard us on a daily basis, telling us we need to be something we aren’t.

The lesson? Never let anyone tell you you’re not perfect, just as you are. Appreciate yourself.

Over the years, Mary developed major crushes on different celebrities like the Oakridge Boys and Michael Landon — but only one at time. Every day, she’d write them a fan letter. She’d buy all their albums, dance to their music, read all their books and watch all their movies.

One of her final loves was Prince, the hugely popular singer & songwriter from Minnesota, where we live. While she never did get to meet him personally, she was invited to take a personal tour of Paisley Park, his recording studio. It was one of the highlights of her life.

The lesson? Be persistent. Go after what you want and enjoy doing it. Life isn’t always about achieving goals. It’s about living.

Mary had tons of health problems. She had severe diabetes which had to be monitored constantly. She was hobbled by arthritis. Her kidneys were failing and she was on dialysis several times per week. She never complained, despite the pain and the restrictions on her life.

She let people serve her because she needed their help. She did it gracefully and appreciatively. She saw their “goodness” and that’s what they gave her. She made them feel valuable.

The lesson? Complaining doesn’t make anything better. People really do want to help you — if you let them.

I think you’re getting the picture. A little imp. A lot of love. So much we can learn from her simple, uncomplicated ways.

And to think that I thought she was flawed. Who was I to judge? A hard-charging, self-motivated achiever who was making my mark on the business world. Someone who was constantly comparing myself to others and falling short.

Mary taught me about the “beauty of imperfection” — that you’re wonderful simply because you exist with all your glorious warts and shortfalls. She helped me appreciate what I had, not what I was missing. And finally, to know that’s all I truly needed.

A FINAL NOTE

Five years ago, on December 23rd I was wrapping Mary’s Christmas present when we got the call that she’d fallen into a coma. My husband immediately raced up north, leaving the kids & me behind. She passed away the next day. As you might imagine, it was a tough holiday.

Several days later, I came across her unwrapped gift, Barbara Streisand’s new CD. When I opened it up and read the lyrics to one of the songs, I felt like Mary had left us a her final message …

HERE’S TO LIFE

No complaints and no regrets
I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets
And I have learned that all you give, is all you get
So give it all you’ve got.

I had my share, I drank my fill
And even though I’m satisfied, I’m hungry still
To see what’s down another road, beyond a hill
And do it all again.

So here’s to life
And every joy it brings.
Here’s to life
To dreamers and their dreams.

Funny how the time just flies
How love can go from warm hellos to sad goodbyes
And leave you with the memories you’ve memorized
To keep your winters warm.

But there’s no yes in yesterday
And who knows what tomorrow brings, or takes away.
As long as I’m still in the game, I want to play
For laughs, for life, for love.

So here’s to life
And every joy it brings.
Here’s to life
To dreamers and their dreams.
May all your storms be weathered
And all that’s good get better.

Here’s to life
Here’s to love
And here’s to you!

8 Ways To Become An Optimist
by Deborah Kotz and Angela Haupt

Research suggests that people with a glass-half-full outlook are healthier than their pessimistic peers: They catch fewer colds, cope better with heart disease, and may even live longer. Yet far too many of us assume that optimism is an inborn trait bestowed on a lucky few.

That’s a completely wrong assumption, says James Maddux, a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va.

Can people learn to be optimists? “The answer is an indisputable yes,” says Maddux.

He and other experts recommend the following:

Reframe Those “Disasters”

After, say, surviving a round of layoffs at your office, you may feel panicked about the prospect of losing your job. Maddux suggests letting go of the notion that there’s only one job that will make you happy. “You may think that if you lose your job, you may never find another that’s as fulfilling, but that’s probably not the case,” he says.

While you shouldn’t deny that your current position might not last forever, it’s smart to acknowledge that there will probably be other professional opportunities that could potentially be as challenging and satisfying, he says. Apply this thinking to virtually any setback to bolster your outlook.

Flickr photo by D’Arcy Norman

Take Control

Pessimists tend to think bad things happen to them because they simply have bad luck or because they don’t have what it takes to be successful, says Maddux, when a bad economy or an unfaithful partner could really be the reason for getting laid off or dumped.

He recommends aiming for a balance between accepting responsibility for some of the bad circumstances and taking action, such as looking for another job or posting an ad on a dating site. Allow yourself to acknowledge those things that were beyond your control.

Flickr photo by Sean MacEntee
Stay Away From Downers

Misery loves company — and if you’re around gloomy people, there’s a good chance you won’t to be smiling. Make it your mission to dodge negativity. Surround yourself with supportive friends and spend time doing things that make you happy. Keep your distance from literature and movies that will bum you out, too.

Flickr photo by SarahSphar

Pay Attention To What Makes Your Feel Optimistic

Do you feel more positive when the collective mood is positive? The flowers are bright, the neighbors look happy, the dog’s tail is wagging. “Try to really tune in to what you’re thinking and feeling in the moment,” suggests Maddux. “If you’re feeling good, try to understand what brought you there and how to get there again.”

You can also try to bank those positive feelings to draw on when you’re feeling the darkness creep in — like in the dead of winter when you’re shoveling your fifth round of snow. “Remind yourself that winter is transient, that in just a short amount of time the flowers will be blooming,” he says.
Reward Yourself

If you’ve been working extra hard on a weeks-long project or prepping nonstop for a big interview, reward yourself with a treat at the end of the process, no matter the outcome. Having something to look forward to increases optimism.

Flickr photo by visit~fingerlakes
Strive For Real Coversations
Sure, making small talk is good for fostering social connections. But having substantive interactions is what actually gives people a greater sense of well-being, according to a 2010 study from the University of Arizona. While there may not be time each morning to have deep philosophical conversations with the guy who swipes your security badge, reaching out to a close friend or spouse can go a long way toward fostering optimism.

As Maddux points out, married couples headed for divorce often find themselves able to talk about only trivial things like TV shows or a termite problem. “The goal of couple’s therapy is not just to get people talking again, but talking about things that really matter,” he says.
Do Look At The Glass Half Full

Cultivating optimism is about breaking old thought patterns and establishing new ones, says Maddux. If you’re truly looking at a glass that’s filled to the halfway mark, why not see it as half full? Choosing to focus on those “half-full” things might help you realize that you don’t need your cup to runneth over in order to feel optimistic.

Flickr photo by Dawn Huczek
Be Glad

By comparing yourself to someone with a thinner body, bigger house, or flashier car, you’re always going to end up envious and pessimistic. Remember: Things could be worse. In one study, researchers asked participants to finish the sentence “I wish I were a ______.” Another group was asked to complete the sentence “I’m glad I’m not a ______.” The study participants rated their sense of life satisfaction before and after this task. Those who completed the “I’m glad I’m not a ______” sentence felt significantly more optimistic than they originally had.
Flickr photo by christinejwarner

In a job search, focus is often placed on who you know. These individuals are usually included in your professional or personal network. Have contacted them, sent them your resume and informed them of your current job search?

It’s important to make a list of who knows you. These are individuals who may have been clients, customers, classmates, association leadership, teachers, coaches, mentors, or past competitors. It is often the people who KNOW YOU and your capabilities that can advance your search. Too often, these individuals are not included in your personal or professional network.

Your success in your job search to a great degree is dependent on the people you know and the people who know you. These are the individuals who can open doors, make contacts and often get your resume to the top of the proverbial stack. When you are referred to a hiring authority by someone else you automatically have a great competitive advantage.

Take time today to make a list of people who know you and your capabilities. Research contact information or if your information is dated, reach out to them utilizing social media sites. This will improve the results you are experiencing in your job search.

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During your job search, find things that inspire you to think differently.

Below is a classic that if you have not heard or have not heard lately, will do just that. I have also included the lyrics below so you can read (or sing) along. Finding one “golden nugget” of inspiration is all you need. Make sure to write down your “golden nuggets” and put them in a place where you will see them often. Enjoy!

BAZ LUHRMANN’S
EVERYBODY’S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)

Click here for the u-tube video and return to this page for the lyrics

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Brother and sister together we’ll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you’ve been hurtin, but I’ve been waitin’ to be there for you
And I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody’s free oh yeah
Everybody’s free oh yeah

Recommended reading everyday of your search to ensure you are taking action on the following Smart Steps.

Your next job is out there waiting for you.

“Oh please, tell me where?” I can hear people saying!

Consider, your next job exists, in the mind of your next boss.

Right now, that job may be unclear, a persisting problem that will eventually require a new employee to solve, for example.

It may already have been defined and open right now, perhaps advertised on the company’s website.

In either case, the job you seek must first exist in the mind of a hiring manager before it can be filled by a person.

So, the more you can get the attention of the hiring managers, the more jobs you can be considered.

Here’s the story of one very smart job seeker who did just that. She met more hiring managers and was hired for a great job. A job that seemed like it was created just for her.

Here are some guidelines that Alice used on her successful job search.

Smart Step #1 – Clarity equals power

When Alice, from San Mateo, California found herself in the job market in February 2009, her first step was to decide exactly what she wanted to do in her next job.

“I knew I was looking for a Director of Marketing or a Public Relations position where I could use my skills in public speaking, writing, and sales,” said Alice.

Knowing what she wanted was the most important first step.

Most job seekers I’ve talked with, have only a slight idea of what they want to do and even when have some idea, when they describe it to me, it’s like a moving target.

Smart Step #2 – Shooting for a bulls-eye

Alice then spent a Sunday researching potential employers and made a target list of 20 companies she wanted to work for.

“I hunted online for people who could actually hire me, like a VP of Marketing or Corporate Communications, along with their email, mailing addresses and phone numbers,” she said.

Alice was smart to create a “specific job target list” and highlight the people with the authority to hire her. That is shooting for a bulls-eye.

Smart Step #3 – The Sales Letter versus the Cover letter

A Sales letter, not a cover letter. A sales letter, one that “sells” hiring managers on these important details:

• You know who they are
• You understand their problems
• You can help, with promises backed by specific results. You are the solution to their problem.

Make a list of your skills. Figure out where you were either saving money or increasing revenue. When you think about it, for example, the time you took that extra responsibility and revenues went up almost $100,000. That is a specific result.

Now. You might think you can’t come up with specific numbers or dollars. Yes, you can!

In any job you’ve held for more than a few months, you either contributed to increasing revenue or saved the company money. The numbers are there, if only you’ll look long and hard enough.

Many people think they can’t write a sales letter. Wrong again!

Start with various advertisements and save the sales letters that appeal to you. Do the same tomorrow and the next day. In three days, you’ll have a “swipe file” of examples you can borrow from to write your own sales letter to employers.

Whatever letter you do come up with will be brilliant compared to the average, boring cover letter.

Smart Step #4 – Follow up – yes – by a phone call!

This is essential. You must talk to people. It’s not enough to mail or email.

If you’ve put the time into choosing employers, targeting hiring managers, and writing a relevant sales letter, people should be willing to take your call, if only out of curiosity.

After mailing her 20 letters on a Monday, Alice called and got responses.

She called that Thursday and talked to five people. She was able to set up an interview with four hiring managers.

Smart Step #5 – Get the Offer

When Alice met with her first hiring manager, it was more of a business consulting discussion than an interview. That’s because Alice had positioned herself as the solution to a problem, rather than as a job seeker. She had good rapport from the beginning and shared her ideas and feedback as they discussed the problems she would be solving.

The employer said he was in a tough position because had more business than he’s ever had, and unless he brought in someone like Alice immediately, he had no idea how he was going to manage all of it.

Do you think the hiring manager was excited about Alice? You bet he was!

All businesses have problems, whether times are good or bad. They need help to either make more money or capitalize on the money they are making.

Bottom-line, your job is to research ideal employers, find out what help they need, offer to provide it, and prove you can deliver. That’s what Alice did.

How did all of this turn out?

“I was offered a position at the first company I interviewed with and it was the one I most wanted to work for. The whole thing took only 3 weeks.”

I have seen this type of job search, success story, and I encourage you to follow this very smart way to do a job search.

Again, I recommend you read this everyday of your search to ensure you are taking action on these Smart Steps.

One of my favorite classic books on the philosophy of success is Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill. I was advised long ago “to read it for the rest of my life”, and so I do read it several times per year and I also have the audio book version so I can listen to it.

What I love most about his writing is he is direct! He gets you to think differently. Napoleon Hill provides practical teaching of HOW you too can apply successful methods to your life. I always pick up new insights or “golden nuggets” to apply to my life and in my business and as a result I have created a wonderful life and business..

As a Results Coach, almost everyone I talk to has ongoing goals, challenges, many successes as well as (temporary) defeats. It’s completely normal, right?

The one challenge I see so often is how to effectively manage time so that the majority of your time is spent on the things that are most important to you. (This is common sense yet not common practice.)

Here is a good place to look in your own life. Your goals for 2009 will either be achieved or not and I can guess if you take some time to assess yourself, you could easily see how time played a major role in whether or not you achieved your goals.

Below is a great tool to Take Inventory of Yourself.

The next step of course it to TAKE ACTION! If you’ve read Think and Grow Rich, read it again and if you’ve not read it, do it very soon, you will be glad you did.

Enjoy!

Donna

Take Inventory of Yourself
by Napoleon Hill

This philosophy calls for a careful personal inventory on your part in order to determine how much of your time you are using wisely and beneficially, and how much of it you are wasting. This inventory requires that you answer (to yourself) these questions:

a. Do you have a definite major purpose, and if so, how much of your time are you devoting to attaining that purpose?

b. If you have such a purpose, what plan or plans have you for its attainment? Are you working your plans persistently, through organized effort, or working them only intermittently, when the notion strikes you?

c. Is your definite major purpose obsessional, or is it merely a wish or a weak hope?

d. What have you planned to give in return for the realization of the object of your definite major purpose?

e. What steps have you taken to associate yourself with others, under the master mind principle, for the attainment of your purpose?

f. Have your formed the habit of accepting temporary defeat as a challenge to great effort?

g. Which is the stronger, your faith in the attainment of the object of your definite major purpose, or your fear that you may not attain it?

h. To which do you devote more time: the carrying out of the plan you have adopted for the attainment of your major purpose, or brooding over the obstacles you may have to overcome to attain it?

i. Are you willing to forego personal pleasures temporarily so that you may have more time to devote to the attainment of your major purpose, and are you doing so?

j. Do you recognize the truth that you have no assurance of more than one second of time – this very second – in which to live; that your life is being measured out to you second by second; that once a second has passed it can never be recalled, and the use you make of it can never be changed or modified?

k. Do you recognize that the present circumstances of your life are the result of the use you have made of your time in the past; that this very second may through its proper use, change the entire course of your life?

l. Do you recognize that your mental attitude, whether it is positive or negative, can be changed at will in one second of time?

m. Do you know of any way in which you can be sure of personal success except by the use you make of your time, through the thoughts you think and the physical action with which you back those thoughts through organized plans?

n. Do you believe you will ever succeed by luck or by some unexpected good fortune which is not related to your own thoughts and deeds?

o. Do you know any person who is apt to inspire you with the necessary personal initiative to enable you to attain the object of your major purpose unless you take the lead and first inspire yourself?

p. When you are overtaken by defeat, do you analyze its cause and determine why it happened, or look for some plausible alibi with which to explain it?

q. Do you believe there is a natural law through the operation of which every individual is forced to benefit, or suffer, from the results of his own thoughts and deeds?

r. Finally, are you accepting a part of this philosophy and rejecting other parts? Or, are you applying the entire philosophy, according to the instructions given, in all of your thoughts and deeds?

These are questions you must answer if you are to take a firm hold of yourself and make the best use of your time. They are direct questions and some of them are very personal, while others are almost brutally blunt. But they are the questions which every successful person must answer at one time or another.